Quips and Quirks and Plenty of Derps


I’m 27.  A perpetual college senior that is stuck between that supposed “American Dream” and the harsh reality of being a lowly retail specialist.  Definitely out of place, I live in a city classified as the leader of the heroin epidemic.  Lovely sight I’m painting, huh?  I’m not done.

Aside from living with my parents at this age, I’m still trying to finish college.  College, in my opinion, has become this over-hyped and over-priced stigma that this country spits out.  I know, other countries have colleges too.  My point is that the idea to get far in life is college.  That is the biggest point my high school made.  Graduate from high school, go to college, graduate from that, and get a job.

What high school failed to put forth in our little impressionable brains is that college isn’t made for everyone, meaning that those with no resources, money or networking (socially).  My University has shown me that numerous times, to the point where graduation is bleak.

The past year was tough for me.  I worked at Kroger (the most backwards retail conglomerate ever) for five months.  I quit because of the wrong treatment of management and the severe pain I was going through.  I was a cart pusher working for minimum wage.  Eight dollars and twenty cents per hour.  This job paid two dollar less than surrounding areas, took almost eight dollars for “union dues” and hours weren’t the best.  Why’d I choose that job?  Sometimes I wonder.

2017 was a testicle-grabbing year financially.  Our car just gave up.  I spent $1800 for a paperweight.  I spent all of my money, out of desperation because I had no means of transportation for most of the prior year.  Anywho, when the car broke down, my college semester had spoiled.  I tried to explain that I’m completely broke, and what money I did have went to food and medication because well, the potential starvation or deterioration triumphed over pesky classes.  Call me stupid, but my (along with my parent’s) well being had to come first.   My professors did not care one bit and my Ethic professor suggested me taking an Incomplete, which allows me to retake the course at a later time.

Since the semester was shot, I took the job at Kroger.  It was offered to me through good faith from my first stint there.  I thought that I could use the quick buck to get the car fixed and get back on top of things.  I didn’t though.  The car was beyond repair, so we had to get financed for a car far too expensive for it’s value.  So, I had to use this job to help with any bills lagging.

When I was working at Kroger, I had somewhat decent hours.  Even though I was getting paid an awful amount per hour, I was getting by.  Not as a livable wage, but something nonetheless.  Halfway through my tenure, management changed and things went awry.  Reasonable management was out and stupidity floated in.  The new bosses hired a slew of children.  Literally hired a dozen high school freshmen.  Thanks to that, my hours were cut.  I went from 30 hours to 17-20 hours.  During the peak of the Summer, I accepted it.  It was hot.  92 degrees hot.  That was not too good.  Since we had new people and new management, laziness ensued and I got the bulk of the work.  I worked 6 of my 8 hours on hot pavement and nobody would listen to things I had to say regarding that.  Supervisors never supervised.  I asked about having help and questioning why I was not getting it and the Supervisor literally said “What do you want me to do?”  especially when I asked why the kids weren’t doing their job.  I had the idiotic assumption that um, they’re suppose to run this Titanic.  I ended up working most of duties.  That’s not me trying to come off as Superman.  Ask the cashiers.  I was dying out there.

One day, I was shoveling in a dozen carts (the recommended amount).  I pulled it out of the corral and my back popped.  I didn’t think of it immediately until after break.  The rest period had my back in agony.  Welp, I finished the day.  After a week, something didn’t feel right, but I was accustomed to feeling awful, especially through the heat.  After another week or two, I wasn’t feeling right at all.  My fingers started to tingle and go numb.  I went to management and found out that I didn’t have nor qualify for insurance.  I asked for a little help because my grasp was off and something just wasn’t right.  What was their response?  “Suck it up, that’s life”.  Seriously.  I may be funny, but I wasn’t joking.  I tried working but I was nowhere near the level I could’ve been.  Nevertheless, I was outperforming the other cart pushers by a wide margin.   To this day, six months after I quit, I’m still in pain.  I’m nearly 6’4″.  You wouldn’t know it because it hurts to straighten up.  It’s very likely I herniated some discs and Kroger did nothing to help the problem.  I quit in August because I was working too hard and a new temporary manager was putting me down as did her supervisor.  She told me to clear the lot.  I was trying.  I was exhausted.  I told her that the kid I was scheduled with wasn’t doing crap.  She called me a liar and told me that I’ll be written up if I didn’t.  I tried to plead my case and she called me a liar and accused me of not doing squat when in reality, she was the one loitering around with cashiers.  I snapped.  I laughed in her face, took off my vest and clocked out.  If you were there, I would totally have your support.  Cashiers had my side and tried to vouch for me, but the manager didn’t want to hear it.

I quit Kroger shortly before the Fall semester.  I thought I would take another crack at the University.  Nope.  It didn’t work out.  Power got cut off and I had to pawn my laptop.  I couldn’t get anywhere either because the intermittent shut down of the car or conflict doctor appointments.  I just couldn’t make it there because of financial and medical hardships.  Again, my classes tanked.  I applied for course forgiveness in the way of a petition.  I attached receipts and detailed accounts of my issues.  I went into a lot of depth to plead my case.  The dim committee said that wasn’t enough.  They told I had to do things I already did.  They didn’t care.  They even said they didn’t read some of it.  So, what part of that was my fault?   Because of being broke and living in poverty, I can’t graduate.  The backwards college doesn’t seem to get that some people don’t have a trust fund and some people run into issues.  Maybe it’s insensitive, but I hope they get a taste of what happened over the past two semesters.  Things happened beyond my control.  I don’t know what to do and frankly I am losing my touch on giving the slightest bit of crap.  Everyone I know is becoming a success and I’m watching myself grow old and depressed.

Thank you Kroger and Wright State University.  Maybe I’ll become out of touch and garner the strength to ruin other people’s ambitions and work ethic.



I Can See For Miles

Portman's Trail

I haven’t been on here to basically spill out what I’ve been thinking.

I have been a bit busy working.  I was working a ton for practically pennies.  The only reason I worked there was because it was just down the alley.  I was thinking long term, considering the pros and cons on a job close to home vs. a job where I have to drive to.  I chose the job closest to my home.  I thought that if something comes up, transportation wise, I would still be able to get to work without depending on others for a ride.  Nearby stores paid more, but this job was super close and had grocery discounts for employees.

I was working there since the end of March.  I worked there last Summer between semesters.  During the “winter”, I was begged to come back.  So… I did.  I worked as a Courtesy Clerk, which is a fancy word for being a cart pusher.  Contrary to most ideas about that position, it’s a physically demanding job.  I had to work through severe weather and extreme heat on pavement.  Since the employer (Kroger) hired nothing but children (literally), I had to do the heavy duty work.  It’s not that the kids work prohibited from doing hard work.  The Kroger Management never made the kids do anything worth breaking out into a sweat.  The kids would be scheduled to come outside for 30 minutes for carts at a time.  They would come in only minutes into the shift.  Yet…. nobody had the testicles to say anything about it except for me to finish their job and do mine.  Now I don’t want to sound like that kind of person who claims to be the person who does everything, but… I did.  I did to the point to where my body was fighting back against it.

During this tenure, I’ve hurt myself in a multitude of ways.  I’ve dislocated both of my wrists (partially due its hyper-mobility), bruised my shins, multiple traumas to my knees such as runner’s knee, popping it in and out slightly and minor things like twisting it.  I’ve also had hurt my back.  All signs for that is that I’m walking around with a herniated disc between my shoulder blades.  This is the worst pain I’ve felt so far.  I get the sensation that my pinky and ring finger has fallen asleep (fell asleep?).  I’ve gotten to the point that I can’t take as big of a breath because of the pain.

So, yeah, I’ve been working hurt.  I addressed this to management but to no avail.  The store manager asked how I was.  I told her that I’m in agony.  She said “Suck it up, that’s life”.  Seriously?  Coming from someone who sit comfortably in an office, rarely seen in the public.  Her attitude and the attitude of supervisors led me to leaving that place.  The newest supervisor said that I just stand around and refuse to do carts.  I’m always moving around working.  Moving so much, I’ve dropped 60 pounds.  In April, I was 327 pounds.  I’m 267 now.  I don’t think that the weight loss came from me socializing, like she does so well.  I quit because my body was on the verge of giving up.  Mentally, I was exhausted from the BS and lack of cooperation.  I hardly sleep because I’m in pain from the overworking.  I’ll go to bed around 3am, toss and turn and wake up at 11.  Sure, that’s eight hours, but large chunks is spend just lying there.  The lousy manager told my Dad that I quit without notice, even though I sent a complaint/”I Quit” letter to the HR manager days before.  Yes, I did quit.  I gave up.  I gave up on them because they gave up on me.  I wasn’t making much.  I was broke by the following Monday or Tuesday.  I figured that I’d be better taking a break, maybe donating plasma before the new semester began.

In the meantime, I’m relaxing (for once), listening to Earl Scruggs and playing my PlayStation 3.

The new semester is about to start.  Hopefully this is the final Fall Semester I have, that is unless I go to Graduate School.  Had everything gone to plan last Spring, this semester would have been somewhat easy.  But it didn’t so I’m having to take 19 credit hours.  If there is a higher power, he needs to give me a dang break… just this once.  If I pass this semester with flying colors, I’ll have a 10 credit hours for the Spring and I’m beyond giddy for that.

As mentioned before, I’m majoring in Urban Affairs.  The definition that I tell people is to think of the words Urban and Affairs.  It’s the dealings of the city.  Zoning, management of the city.  I have my theories and ideas.  One is something I call “Structural Recycling”.  I believe that the city could and should utilize the area they’re working on.  Many places are being torn down just to have something built in its place.  I think that if you use some of the pre-existing buildings and lot, you would save money and in turn, the city could use the money save for something like alternative energy.  Not to sound like a tree hugger, but it’s about time to use the space we’re already owning and use it to its potential.  Cut down the carbon footprint and go green.  Solar panels can be used for particular services, like gas stations and emergency services in case of an outage.  Saves on generators as well.

I have ideas like that and more… I just hope that maybe I can get something across to make it happen.  If so, this experience at Kroger won’t happen again.

I’m trying to see for miles in my future.  I’m trying to be optimistic.

Just…. tired


It has been a while since I’ve posted an “article”.  I don’t know the proper term for this stuff.

I’ve just found myself just going back into seclusion of sorts.  Crap is happening and what should be happening isn’t.  I’ve been working and working but it’s going nowhere.  I’m the oldest on my “team”.  I use that word very loosely.  I work with children who get away with practically anything.  I’m a Courtesy Clerk (Cart Pusher).  The duties isn’t cut and dry as it may seem.  I have to do the following:

–  Cart Pushing
–  Bagging
–  Store Sweeping
–  Restroom Cleaning
–  Carryouts
–  Price Checking
–  Replacing Items
–  Reshopping

I do a lot of minor stuff on top of that.  Meanwhile, the children don’t do the smallest fraction of that.  I asked the supervisor why I seem to be called to do these stuff.  The answer… because they don’t know how.  TRAIN THEM!  C’mon! What kills me is that all of the tasks doesn’t require major thought behind it.  It’s just a lot of work.  Nobody does it.  Because of my work ethic of…. WORKING, I am constantly called to do something.  Non-stop movement while the children and stand and stare off into space.

A girl told me to get off the other kids’ back.  Apparently they have a powwow about me getting onto them about helping out and teamwork.  I don’t think I should have to do the work of multiple people all alone.  The girl said that “they’re just trying to earn a paycheck”.  Seriously?  You’re not going to earn a check if you’re being a bum.  A 15-year old girl is afraid to get her hair wet and that’s fine.  She’s allowed to bum around and not do anything.  Has it been brought to the ears of management?  Yes.  Did it make a difference?  No.

I’m on the verge of going off in that place.  I hate working there.  If it wasn’t for the need of money, I’d leave.  I get so exhausted.  I thought, at first, that it was the lack of working (when I took a break for school) that made me so tired.  But I’ve been back there for 3 months (feels longer).  I’m feeling so sore.  Back always kill me, neck burns, hips hurt.  Nothing feels good.  It’s all because the pathetic children.  I’ve drastically dropped weight because of the work.  I’ve lost 50 pounds (327 lbs. to 277 lbs.) since the beginning of April.  I don’t know if that’s normal.

Aside with the bum work of my “peers”, I’ve had battles with the lovely, lovely college that is Wright State.

I tried to email an advisor about internships.  Since I started college (Jan. 2009), not once was an internship required.  I have never had the guidance about how to apply for one or what is required prior to it.  I asked about it and the advisor was replying (sporadically).  She asked a series of questions and I was thinking that I’ll finally get something done.  Boy was I wrong.  After all of the talk and questions, she turned around and said that I’ll have to wait because I’m not qualified.  She didn’t bother to research my transcript.  Seriously?  Shouldn’t that have been the first thing to check before anything else is done?

Later, I asked if my information could be updated.  There’s something called a DARS Report.  It’s a degree audit.  It shows what was completed and what needs to be done.  I heard back and found out that what I’ve been given, by her, is incorrect and that the curriculum is changed.  I’ve never been informed of the change, especially after she WENT OVER IT IN DETAIL!!! Jesus Christ.  For academic advisors, this is fundamental mistakes that should happen.

Now that I stand another setback, I’ve become overly ticked.  I’m sick of people telling me that things will happen in time.  I’ve been the same crap for a decade.  I cannot get a foot in the door.  It irritates the crap out of me that people far younger than me can skate through life while I sit and home watching TV.  I have no sense of accomplishment because I really don’t see that I’ve accomplished anything.  Sure, I graduated as a Junior in high school.  At this point, that’s not an accomplishment.  It was a matter of timing.  I’m almost 27.  I live with my parents, working at the bare minimum pay rate with the maximum effort and I have a sub-par education.

Oh, Mr. Frost.  We’re reaching out because of your blogs.  You’ve raised concerns about the University and we’re here to help.  HELP.  GOD D**N IT.  If this lousy university wants to help, actually do something.  Don’t be a spectator.

I’m tired of it all.

Taken the Road Less Traveled

Today (May 24th) marks the nine year anniversary of graduating high school.  Since then, I lingered, only existing in this world.  Reading prior articles that I’ve posted, you’ve probably realized that I’m in college right now and that it looks bleak.  You’ve been accustomed to my pessimistic outlooks.  If there was any conclusion about the opinion of, well me, would it be safe to say that I’ve taken the road less traveled?  I mean seriously, you take certain paths in life.  You head into the workforce or you get educated and have hopes and aspirations that will inevitably leave you (or your Mommy and Daddy) in debt.  If something happens, whatever the case may be, you stick to it.  If you get pregnant or if you’re submerged in poverty, you may quit college and stick to the life of something less.  Typically, without coming back to it.  Conversely, if you’re fortunate to go to college (or even find your ideal vocation) without fail, you’ll stick to that and live life to your ideas and dreams.

For me, that never happened nor will it.  I graduated almost a decade ago.  I had thoughts about going into computers.  I took a few college level computer classes and got an A.  The problem with that was that I did not have the foggiest clue about what I scored so highly on.  The instructors stunk…. horribly.  After dabbling with a couple of classes, and failing on, I got on academic probation.  I took a couple of semesters off (as the rule entailed).  During this time, my new “passion” grew.  I came back to college and found a geology course.  I aced it.  I loved that class.

Since that college didn’t offer the major of Geology, I transferred.  After soul-crushing realization of me never getting anywhere with the stagnant progress of Wright State, I thought that I may have to change majors.

Throughout this whole time, a span of seven years flew by.  I never did go to college in 14 consecutive semesters.  I went off and on.  I did what most people don’t do.  Stick to work and college, especially at this long of a tenure.  Something normally has to give.

Since college is off for the Summer (for me), I’m taking the role of being a retail schmuck.  I work in an establishment that I see as an asylum controlled by inmates… but not the typical inmates.  It’s controlled by window-licking children.  I’m older than a majority of the supervisors and managers.  My co-workers might have hit puberty.  I’m assuming that they might have.  I work with 15 and 16 year-old’s.  They get paid more than I do.  At this freak show, raises tend to be handed out more on the hours you’re scheduled rather than performance.  I am now getting my raise (of a shiny nickel).  I outwork almost everyone in the front of the store yet get treated like the old weather gum you step on in the parking lot.

I am sticking with college for one reason.  I don’t want to be a lifer at my job.  It’s a crap job where the pay the minimum wage for the maximum effort.  I work extremely hard and I really don’t get anywhere.  I want to be someone who can potentially have a family without worrying about how governmental welfare will be cut and how we’ll be able to make it the next week without relying on pantries.

I have a sure idea on what I want to do.  I transferred majors from Geology to Urban Affairs.  Urban Affairs had a few branches.  I had the idea of either starting a nonprofit co-sponsored by a university hospital or maybe work for the city as a developer.  Since I have restrictions on the nonprofit idea, my last idea may be my only hope.  Doing so, I might be able to get out of the mentally and physically painful realm of poverty and actually be someone.  It’ll be a whole decade in the making.  By the time I graduate, I’ll be $57K in debt and four weeks shy of my 10-year high school “reunion”.

I hope.
I hope.

Emotionally Exhausted and Morally Bankrupt

Frank Burns
I am now at the point to where I see myself becoming more pessimistic at an unhealthy level.  The things going on right now has me wanting to pull the hair right out of my head.  Nature’s doing that for me.  My thinning hair and apparent grey in my beard may be the result of the overwhelming malarkey.  I said malarkey.  I am trying to keep this at an entertaining PG level.

I’ve said it multiple times since November (when I started this farce called blogging) that I have self-esteem issues from an array of incidents.  I have an apparent form of depression compounded with anxiety.  Although it’s not medically diagnosed, it is there and it’s evident as RuPaul and his “lifestyle”.  Maybe that isn’t the best comparison.  It’s 2:30am right now, so get off my back.  My depression and anxiety may be temporary if things smooth out.  I really don’t see that happening.

In the past, my anger issues grew exponentially when I lost my home in 2013.  It grew to a greater scale when I lived on campus at that “college” called Wright State University.  I lived with three guys who, all in all, was the polar opposite of myself.  They’re financially secure with the comfort of knowing that the only way they are (or were) going to college was through the wallets of their parents.  They can drive.  They’re socially excelling.  I was never like that.

I’m a 6’3″ or 6’4″ (depends on the slouch), 300 pound country boy, $47,000 in student loan debt, without a drivers license and primarily an introvert.  Knit pick at that.  For eighteen months, all of that and then some was picked at.  Anyone weaker would have snapped in a violent manner.  I didn’t.  I bottled it up.  Emotionally, it wore me out.  My self-esteem went right out of the window.  I remember being told “Sucks to be a Joe” or “Who cares, nobody knows who you are”.  I apologize for being that sorry sap for longs for being socially accepted.

Aside from that, the college itself is cracking the foundation of who and what I am.  I grew up poor.  I’m still poor.  My ultimate goal was to go to college and become someone.  The number one thing was to be someone who didn’t have to be in pain from years of brutal impacts to the body.  I wanted to do something where I used my mind and help people.  My college chipped away at that.  David Hopkins, former President of Wright State University, was the head of a university who neglected the budget to a point to where progress was almost non-existent.  I had signed up for classes that would be cancelled at the last minute leaving me with no room to find an adequate course.  I would have to take something I did not need to keep myself from owing the college money.  Because of this, I’m at a point to where I’ve used more financial aid than I should with nothing to show for it.

The Spring 2017 semester just ended.  How did I do?  I didn’t.  I got an incomplete for one mistake in my class.  The professor never taught an online course before, so my fate is (or was) lying in the hands of someone completely incompetent of his own tasks.  The university failed me again, and I really don’t think I will be able to graduate.  I spend the past eight years working hard physically and mentally for what?  Owing the government for the money I spent on a institution they shouldn’t have accredited?  I’m tired of it all.  I had goals.  I had the hope of the “American Dream”.  By-the-by, the American Dream is dead.  I had a goal of one of two things. Doing a non-profit by helping those with nervous disorders, or something to be ecologically aware while working for the city.  I cannot do either because the forces behind the oak desk at Wright State is shaping my destiny to be that of retail.

I don’t want that life.  I don’t want to be in customer service, being a lifer at a retail chain.  I want to be in control of what I see as my own destiny.  I don’t want to be ticked off 24/7, working ten times harder than my 15 year old co-working while we’re getting the same pay.  I want to live, not exist.

Ignorance Isn’t Bliss

CK-39757 Denise Robinow ( Campus aerial photos 7-8-09 )
Today (April 7, 2017), Wright State University posted a recap of what the interim university President sent to the students and staff.  It mainly detailed the woes and “progress” that they’ll make to eradicating a ballooning $30 Million debt.  I am sharing a piece of what they said in the recap.

“We will likely see many great staff and faculty leave us, whether through job opportunities elsewhere, retirements, or layoffs. This does not mean that we will stop educating students and working to improve the region.”

I would like to know what ways the university plans on educating students.  Seriously.  How can teach the students when they are on a hiring freeze and will get rid of the professors?  A lot of the remaining professors will not want to pull double duty for the same pay as before.  Realistically, doing twice the work without a little boost in pay or compensation will not happen.  Even those who love to teach is not about to do that much work to compensate the University’s mismanagement.

Also, how will they seek to improve the region?  They cannot improve their own mess.  It’s like they believe that the downward spiral of the University is a quick fix.  All hands need to be on deck to preserve whatever they have left of the school.

The focus of this place has been off in “la-la land” for years.  Last year, Tom Hanks endorsed a portion of the University that focused on motion pictures.

In 2016, that was the big hoopla.  It was like the University President and his cronies were witnessing the second coming of Jesus Christ.  In actuality, it was an actor giving the nod and a thumbs up for a university getting aroused to put his name on the side of the building.  Don’t get me wrong, I am a fan of Tom Hanks.  I was there at the ceremony, but it was not anything extravagant that guaranteed any revenue for years to come.  An investment like this should have been an investment that benefited the community and college as a whole, and not for a small overrated department.  We’re not Ohio State.  We cannot afford the ceremonies of big actors and dedications of people who come by once in a decade.

The Interim President said that this is something we’re all going to have to deal with and go through and that we will all be affected by this.  Why?  Why will innocent professors lose their job or lose benefits and why will students bare the unavailability of courses and advising?  Why does this have to happen because President Hopkins and the board were too blind to notice that they are spending way too much.  Seem hypocritical when they get onto student because of fees.  It’s not like we racked up the debt.  Students paid into the school, hoping for quality, hoping for an education that will get them out of the realm of poverty.    I am curious where my grants and loans went to.  The President’s pocket?  The NEW President’s country club?  They can pay the new President more than half a million dollars but stress the budget being cut for professors.

My strange suggestion would be to cut the boards salary because apparently they’re too ignorant to realize that simple budgeting is too complex.

Ignorance isn’t bliss.

Fargin Ice Holes

fargin ice holes

I don’t get something (I don’t get a lot of things).

College.  It’s weird.

I’ve noticed in college, that when you have a class with someone who’s noticeably older than their fellow students, that older person is treated in a different manner.  Not in a way where the professor is bias, but in a way of their tone.  It seems as if the younger people in the room are…. ignorant (not stupid, big difference).

I believe that a professor takes a liking to the elder students because they’ve went through a lot, so the tone is more mellow and friendly.  The tone to the kids straight out of high school is an obligated one.

I am much older than my classmates.  I am twenty-six.  It seems like I’m more associated with the young crowd than anything else.  Call me weird, but I have no similarities with the people of youth.

Take my two roommates from Wright State.  They’re 21 and 22 respectively.  They were born in 1995.  Now me being five years their senior, you’d think that there’s load of similarities.  There’s very few in fact.  Strangely, there’s a big cultural difference.  For them, by the time they were aware of complexities, it was already the new millennium.  I rode out a good chunk of the 90’s.  Heck, Britney Spears and N*Sync was at their peak before my roommates were able to read and write.

Now, I’m not calling those guys kids (I did to their face 😛 ).  But.. there’s people around their age, and a little younger that get treated in manner that seems as if they haven’t had the experience and maturity as some older people do.  I really hope my message is coming through.

My professor doesn’t treat me in a manner that I think I should.  I think I get treated like a kid, like a widdle bity Freshman.  I’m a Senior for Christ’s sake.  He’s telling me to do things that I already did.  He told me that I never inquired about my exam, which I totally did.  HE also said that I never asked him about an event for the school that the class was required to go to.  I did.  I did and I have the emails to back it up.

Now, anyone would think that the professor is just shotty at his job.  Well, yeah I think so too.  But…. I think he believes that I’m just a kid that is riding out this college experience like the stereotypical college student.  He talked to an older guy and then talked to me.  I got a tone that was a lot different from the other student.  I have no clue on why that happened.

It’s not just the professor.  I just don’t know why I am always associated with those that just now became old enough to vote.  It’s just another notch on my pessimistic views.  I’m in my late 20’s.  I’ve went through way too much to be talked down to.  It’s another contributor to my growing and never ending depression.  I speak up, but nothing happens.  I’m not a kid.  I shouldn’t be treated as one.